Thanks for sharing, Kris. Happy to hear you are in love. Congrats! Your insights on critical thinking and friendship as necessary to compatibility resonate with me and my own relationship. I love that my partner is an incredibly intelligent thinker, and that we have a bff-like chemistry, which for us looks simply like just wanting to hang out all the time! Re: your perspective on emotional stability as a non-negotiable for selecting a partner, I have a very different view based on my own experience in my relationship.

My partner and I both struggle with many of the things you mentioned (“jealousy, clinginess, neediness, overreactions, toxicity, or crippling anxiety”). What works about our relationship, is that from our very first date, we have been honest with each other about these shadow parts of ourselves, and have developed a commitment to honoring each others wounded parts as sacred and lovable. We practice holding space for each other to experience all of the emotions that cause behavior like jealousy and clinginess (we find its almost always traced back to fear or difficulty loving ourselves). I believe the highest level “ninja move” a person ready for a healthy relationship can make, is not to seek someone who doesn’t struggle with things like neediness or anxiety, but to seek someone willing to explore and own the emotions beneath such behaviors, and to hold them accountable to do the same! My partner and I are love + relationship coaches and we teach this kind of thing. Curious to know your thoughts and feedback on how we’re doing.